My story is long and filled with tears and joy, with adventure and drama....perhaps not unlike yours:
I came on Earth from a place of pure unconditional love, expecting and yearning to find the same kind of love here. It was not always easy to see it and recognize it, especially at times when the drama of life was so enticing that I would get totally lost in it.
I have been loved, I have been hated. I screamed in agony and I screamed in ecstasy. I have been abused and I have been cherished.
I have been hit and I have been lovingly caressed. I have been raped and I have been worshiped.
I've given my body hoping to receive love. I've given my heart and soul hoping to be seen.
I got hurt by being invisible to the ones I deeply cared about and healed by being visible to others - they both transformed my life.
I quested for true love. I left relationships where I could not feel it. I have been dumped, left with a broken heart. I fell on my mouth many times and I scrambled myself up continue my quest. I have faced intense darkness and I've met angels to show me that light still existed...
I have experienced the miracle of life in my body, the pangs of labor and the ecstasy of birth, the flow of liquid love from my breasts to nurture a new life. But before giving birth to life, I gave birth to death. I wanted to be the best mother in the world and I failed myself many times, having to surrender to my imperfections and forgive myself, and finally, to lovingly accept myself as I am.
I've struggled for bare survival and I have lived in abundance. I have made living with my mind and with my body.
I have chosen to trade comfort and security for adventure, unpredictability and wonder. I have exchanged being 'happy' for experiencing the highs of ecstasy and depths of pain. I have soared the highs of cosmic orgasms and the lows of demonic realms. Surprisingly, I have found the same bliss in both extremes. I do not protect myself from a broken heart anymore. Each time my heart breaks in only breaks more open.
I wanted to fully embody my feminine, only to realize I needed fully embrace my masculine first.
I have searched for the 'perfect' beloved, realized that the most perfect beloved of all resides within my heart. I may desire to worship his reflection on the outside, merge with that reflection in a Tantric union with my lover, only to come back to myself. Feeling loved is not the action from the outside in, but from the inside out. Love is our innermost essence.
Love happens in the moment. Bliss happens in a moment. In every moment I have a choice to be in love, to live in bliss.
I have chosen to dance the path of the Goddess, to serve love.
Om Mane Padme Hum
If you wish to find out more about my life, here it is. My Sacred Journey Through a Messy Life
now available on Amazon an this site (with an option for personal dedication).